Blessing or Burden?

Before I begin this post, let me just say that this topic came up this weekend while I was at a 4th of July celebration.  This is not meant for anyone that reads me and I realize that is maybe all 2 of you, but nonetheless, if you think I may be talking about you, I’m not.

I was observing a young mother who came alone and happened to be sitting there when I heard her talking about her kids.  We’ll call her Cathy.  Cathy was complaining to her friend Dot because Dot didn’t bring Cathy’s kids with her when she came to the party.  And now she had to go all the way back home and get them herself.  It started me thinking about how we view children in this world of ours.

Back in bible times, it was pretty much considered a curse to be barren.  And if you had only a few children, you weren’t very fertile.  Women’s status depended on how many children they could produce.  Now I’m not saying that we go back to bible times, for heaven’s sake, but children were considered to be a blessing.  But I see so many people in this culture that think that children are a burden–something that needs to be “taken care of.”  I know that my mother and my mother-in-law got comments about how many children they had (5 and 6, respectively.)  Stupid things like, “Don’t you know where babies come from?”  or “You are having ANOTHER one?”  Both of these women loved their kids, they saw them as blessings from God and although I’m sure they had their days, didn’t consider them to be a burden.  I’m not advocating having 10 kids, but neither am I advocating having 1.  The thing I get hung up on is how we view children to be such a burden in our culture.  We give birth, stay home for as short as we possibly can and then give them to some daycare provider to substitute for us.  Then, once we have our life back, we complain about how the daycare has a whole week off and what the heck am I gonna do with my kids for a whole week?  Or summer vacation.  I’ve heard people say they dread summer because their kids will be home for two months and they have to farm them out to some camp or get rid of them.

Now, I understand that parents get frustrated with their children and stuff like that, and that isn’t what I’m talking about here.  Our culture totally undermines the family.  I know it is almost impossible nowdays to be a stay-at-home mom because I have had to work.  Not many people can make it on one income.  I realize what pressure there is to be successful and hate that we have to work in that, at the expense of our children, oftentimes.  I guess as I am writing this, it comes down to money.  We think that if we have money, it will make our family happy.  As long as I can send my kids to this camp, this theme park, or have them involved in at least 5 different activities, it will make them happy.  But that is so misguided.  Our family has had it both ways.  I used to teach 2nd grade in public school and got a pretty good income doing it–that combined with my husband’s income and it was pretty darn smooth.  We could afford to go to Busch Gardens, go on vacation, and we bought our kids some really nice Christmas gifts.  But that wasn’t what made them happy.  Sure, they thought they were happy, because that is what society tells us.

Now, I teach piano lessons at home.  My income is considerably lower and to spend money on tickets to some theme park would seem frivolous at this stage.  We really watch our expenses and yes, we do indulge in some entertainment from time to time, but not like we used to.  But I have found out that my kids don’t really care.  (That is when they aren’t comparing themselves to the kids next door.)  They would rather go with us to Target or spend time with us.  Just being a family.  We do a lot of things together–and I have two teenagers!  They aren’t embarrassed to be seen with us (usually!) and sometimes we just sit and talk instead of watching t.v.  Yes, sometimes I feel like I need to get away, and so I get away.  Sometimes they need to get away, but I don’t see them as a burden.

The other day, I had a lady at church look at my belly and say, “You are having ANOTHER one?”  Either she thought I had too many children, thought I was too old, or thought I was someone else.  I just smiled and said, “Yeah.  Isn’t that great?”  When did motherhood become such a terrible profession?  When did children become such a burden?

All I can say, is that if you think it might be nice to have a little baby to dress up, feed and play with, don’t have kids.  Children are so much more than dolls.  They have their own personalities and sometimes they aren’t very nice.  But to me, they are still a blessing.  I am so thankful for the two that I have and so thankful that I can have another one.

Going “Natural”

Last year, we decided to try to eat more organic foods.  We bought a wheat mill and grind our own wheat for bread and buy from a co-op of organic foods.  We support our local farmers by buying vegetables.  All of this has been a good thing.  However, when I found out I was expecting, a lot of it went out the window.  Macaroni and cheese, how I missed thee.  We are getting back on track, though, and I find that I miss having the fresh fruits and veggies at home.

When you talk about pregnancy, going “natural” takes on a whole new meaning.  We have quite a few friends at church that have taken this natural approach to pregnancy and childbirth, and although I don’t have a problem with what they choose to do or not do, it often irritates me when someone expresses distaste or questions my ideas.

For example, the following exchange took place a few weeks ago:

Well Intentioned “natural” acquaintance: How are you doing?

Me: I’m doing great except for my cankles.  (Shows off ugly swollen ankles.)

Well Intentioned “natural” acquaintance: Oh, that is uncomfortable?  When are you due?

Me: In August sometime.  They say the 20th, but since we are having a c-section, it will be scheduled earlier.

Well Intentioned “natural” acquaintance: (I swear I hear an almost audible gasp, and then…) Oh, that is disappointing.  Why on earth would they schedule a c-section?  I would find another opinion.

Me: Well, my first two babies were c-sections.

Well Intentioned “natural” acquaintance: Oh!  Why is that?!  (dismay sounds in her voice.)

Me: They were both breech babies and…

Well Intentioned “natural” acquaintance: Oh, my fourth baby was breech and I stood on my head and did all sorts of things to get him to turn and finally, I went swimming in the pool and did 60 consecutive somersaults.  It made me so sick that I puked.  But the baby turned and I was able to have him naturally.  I was so happy.

Me: Wow.  Hmmm.  (I don’t quite know what to say about the puking.)  Well, with both of them, I tried the stuff they tell you to do, like standing on my head and stuff, and the doctors even tried to move them by putting their hands on my belly and manipulating them that way.  Nothing worked.  After two c-sections, they don’t really recommend having a vaginal birth.

Well Intentioned “natural” acquaintance: Oh my, that’s too bad!  Have you tried the pool?

Me: The doctor has told me that I will probably end up having breech babies because of the way my body is.

So anyway, I am all for “natural” childbirth and all that, but I never had the opportunity to experience it and frankly, I’m not sad about it.  We have been able to pick our kids birthdays, and we were more prepared for the “big day.”  For me, “natural” childbirth is a c-section, since I have never experienced labor and delivery.  I have experienced being cut open while awake feeling a ‘tugging’ sensation when they were doing surgery.  I had my arms strapped down and my husband at my side with a sheet blocking the view of the actual surgery.  I was still able to hold the baby right after they were pulled out and I wasn’t drugged out.  Recovery was longer, but at least I had something for the pain.

We are thinking that Emily’s birthday will be on August 14th, although the hospital and doctor need to confirm that day.  I will keep you posted.

Things I Have Learned Teaching Piano

1.  Never schedule piano lessons for AFTER school is out.  Nobody will show up anyway.

2.  Specify A.M. or P.M when you schedule a make up lesson.  I had a student come to my door at 7:30 a.m. for a lesson this morning.

3.  Even if you have a calendar of events, most people will lose, forget or ignore them.

4.  Send out reminders for every event you have.

S.  Send out additional reminders for every event you have.

6.  Email and call people for additional reminders for every event you have.

7.  Never schedule more than one make up lesson a month, per student.

8.  Specify that you will never schedule more than one make up lesson a month, per student.

9.  Most people will not pay you unless you remind them.

10.  Send out reminders every month that tuition is due.

11.  Most students will not practice unless they are motivated by three sources:  the teacher, the parents and themselves.  If you are the only motivation, they will probably not be successful.

12.  Do NOT agree to try to teach 15 minute lessons to 3 year olds.

13.  Do NOT agree to try to teach 4, 5 or 6 year olds, unless you have previously known the child to be advanced for his/her age.

14.  Always have a song ready for yourself to play for parents that ask you to play at Christmas Parties, recitals and other events.

15.  Smile and be gracious, even after the parent forgets to pay you for the 3rd time.  It couldn’t possibly be an inconvenience!

16.  Be encouraging and gracious, even after the child forgets to practice for the 3rd time that month.

17.  Send out progress reports for children that are not practicing and are not learning what the parents expect them to.

18.  My teenage children will not hear the phone ringing and answer it when I am teacing a lesson because they have headphones on.  Regardless, don’t interrupt the lesson to answer the phone.

19.  Smile and be kind, but don’t be a push over.  If you say you need to get paid, people will more than likely pay you.

20.  Take a break for a week or two during the summer!

Tomorrow is our reception!  That means that I will be done with piano for this year, although I do have 9 people that are coming in July for summer lessons.

The days are crawling by…

Just a couple of weeks ago, I was commenting to my doctor on how quickly this pregnancy seemed to be going and joked that, “When you get older, time goes faster.”  But this week has been so slow for me.  After tonight, I have one more week of lessons for June and then I have a lighter load for July–only 10 students.  But time has gone by so slowly this week!   I have been doing a lot of organizing of space and trying to get ready for our new arrival.  It has been enjoyable.

If you have seen David’s blog, you saw that we are thinking about converting the garage into a school room/piano studio.  It is not uncommon around here to do that, as we have very little use of our garage.  Now when we lived in Minnesota, you needed a garage, or at least a place to plug in your car for the cold winters, but here, not at all.  I can’t remember the last time I parked in the garage.  Hence, the garage conversion.  Anyway, we have 3 bedrooms and an extra room over the garage.  The room over the garage is now the school room/piano studio, but once the baby comes, we are moving Alex up to the room over the garage and Beth wants to move into Alex’s room, so the baby will have Beth’s room.  We can make due having school in the kitchen or dining room, but it will be tight, so David, who always likes a project, wants to do this.  I’m liking the idea, but I don’t want him to stress himself out.  We could get by without it, but he loves working on stuff like this, so we are looking at ways to pay for it.

One of my friends has taken it on herself to give me a baby shower.  I haven’t had one since Alex was born, and I’m kind of glad she decided to do it, because we didn’t save ANY baby stuff from Alex and Beth’s baby years.  (14 years ago.)  We have got quite a bit given to us from people at church–so most of our bigger things are out of the way.  David’s family sent a “shower in a box” a couple of weeks ago that came complete with a diaper cake and gifts and party favors.  It was very cool!  But when people started asking where I was registered, I didn’t have an answer.  I have never registered anywhere, not even when we got married.  And after a couple more people ask, I finally decide I should probably register somewhere, so David and I went to Babies R Us and registered for stuff we needed.  It isn’t a huge list, but it sure was fun.  We also went to Target, which is my favorite store and registered there too.  My friend sent out invitations out today and the shower will be on June 30th.  I’m kind of excited.  We definitely still need a mattress and bedding and stuff, and that is on the registry.  We did put a few “non-essential” items on there, like a rocking chair and a bassinet.  We already have a swing, a bouncy seat, a stroller, a baby car seat, changing table and crib.  Most of it was given to us.  Oh and the clothes!  David’s co-worker had a baby last September and gave us all her beautiful clothes–I mean they are so nice and in good condition!  So we have definitely been blessed!  I think after all the discussion on who to invite to the shower, we got it down to 36 people.  I know not everyone can make it, and some of those people I felt I had to invite since David is a worship leader at church, but I think it will be a pretty nice shower.  I’m getting kind of spoiled, I think.

We still have some things we need to do.  We need to pack up the room over the garage, so Alex can move in.  We need to have a garage sale to get rid of some of the extra stuff we have accumulated.  We need to put new flooring in Alex’s room, since the carpet is done for!

I guess if I look at how much we have left to do, I might not be inclined to think that the days are crawling by.  Hopefully they will get faster!

Just some pictures

These were taken at the June 5th recital.  I had 14 students perform at this recital, and 10 at the other one.  I decided that I would play a piece this time.  At Christmas, I had a couple of parents ask me to play and I was totally unprepared to play anything–I hadn’t memorized anything.  So I figured I better play something this time around so they know their kid’s piano teacher can actually play.

You can see I have a maternity dress on now.

Elizabeth played “You’ve Got a Friend in Me.”

As Daddy would say, “Isn’t she beautiful?”

Alex was a big help–and big as well!  He’s growing up!

This is me giving last minute instructions to my students.

David was the one taking pictures, so we don’t have one of his pretty face, but I will try to catch him at some point.

Getting Frustrated

When I first started this whole piano lessons business, I tried to think ahead as I planned my yearly calendar. I wanted to offer 36 lessons a year, and go for about 10 months–and offer the same vacations, etc, that the public schools do, since half my students are public schooled. I charge $55.00 a month per student, and offer a discount to families. ($45.00 per child.) As stated in the agreement that each customer signed, tuition was due the first week of the month. It was a great deal. Yes, I had regular people who always forgot to pay me at the beginning of the month, but I would send an invoice and get the money quickly. It was usually the same people–and they were quick to get back to me.

Well, it is June. I have lessons through the end of the month, but tomorrow is the 13th and I still have to collect money from 7 students. Usually it is one or two people, but I am getting frustrated. This is my income, people. I have birthdays to pay for this month. I have had more cancellations this month due to vacations. I have had cancellations due to really bad excuses, like, “I forgot,” Even though I reminded everyone that lessons went through the end of June. I have had it with make up lessons–some people have 3 lessons to make up due to various reasons.

If I do this next year, I think my policy will be to pay me by the first of the month, and if you don’t, get charged a fee for every day you are late. And I think I will allow for one make up lesson a month, not 3. If you want to pay me for lessons, then be sure you are here, otherwise, you are wasting my time and being plain selfish. Now I understand different circumstances come up during the year–I’m not talking about those. But someone who forgets 3 times a month to bring their kids is really being inconsiderate of my time. Also, I think I will schedule lessons through the end of May, not June. That way, school will still be in session and I won’t get into vacations, graduation, and award ceremonies, etc.

Argh. It is David’s birthday on Saturday. Father’s Day is on Sunday, Beth’s birthday was on the 8th, and my mom’s was on the 3rd. That is a lot of money to try to pay on my little piano salary. Not that I have to shoulder it all, David’s check covers some of it too. But for his birthday, I’d like at least to try to surprise him. At least we got that government reimbursement check, so we can use some of that. Anyone have any suggestions on running your own business? How would you deal with late payments and late lessons, etc?

I know it might make it worse, but….

I am going to try to eat something.  4 spoonfuls of cereal just did not do it.  David took me out to get some Mylanta and I’m hoping that cottage cheese with strawberries will reduce the hunger pangs!  It tastes good going down, but I hope it’s ok in 15 minutes.  Aren’t you all excited to hear about my heartburn?

How is it possible….

to have heartburn leftover from last night when all you have had to eat is water and 4 bites of cereal?

Argh!

Going to School

A couple of weeks ago, I was asked by the school I used to teach at to be a judge at their spelling bee. (For those of you that are interested, I used to teach 2nd grade until I decided to home school my children.) I was thrilled, but nervous, as I haven’t seen my colleagues since last year.

I worked at B.M. Williams for 6 years. I started as a long term substitute and the next year was offered a full time position. If I hadn’t decided to home school, I would have been there until now. Having worked at several other schools before coming to B.M. Williams, I thought I knew what to expect. I didn’t. My first year, I expected to sit in the lunchroom by myself, and to get minimal contact with the staff. This had been my experience at all the other schools I taught at. It wasn’t until a couple months that I actually made friends. That wasn’t the case here. I was welcomed by the staff. My first week, nearly every second grade teacher came into my classroom to introduce themselves, even though I was “just a sub.” They offered help in setting up my classroom and suggestions. As the year went by, I discovered that the teachers shared ideas and weren’t in the least offended if you used their ideas. (Normally, this would be called “stealing” someone else’s idea–and you wouldn’t dare do that at the schools I had previously worked at.) We shared copies of stuff and made up worksheets to share with everyone. I never sat at lunch alone. I always had someone to spend time with. (In some schools, it can be as bad as a high school popularity contest!) There was such support from each other.  In a school that is as big as we are, it isn’t easy to get to know everyone, but I did.  (There were 10 Kindergarten classes, 13 First Grade classes, and 14 second grade classes, besides special ed classes.  It was a Primary school.)  Many people have commented on how it feels like a “family,” and that is really what it was.  It was hard to leave, but I knew it was the right decision.  Believe it or not, most of the teachers I worked with supported my decision to home school, and I never felt that they thought it was a stupid idea.

So I got to judge a spelling bee this week.  I felt like a celebrity because everyone welcomed me back, just like always.  I got to see old friends and my old classroom.  Everyone told me how great I looked and was genuinely interested in my life and hearing how things were.  (I need to go back more often, to get my ego stroked! Ha!)  I miss my colleagues and the day to day interaction with them.  I don’t miss all the work, the parents and the paperwork.  I don’t miss having my family suffer because of my not being there.  I don’t miss the lack of support from the higher-ups because they don’t want to offend a parent.  I don’t miss getting up at 5:30 and staying until sometimes 7:00 at night to get work done.  I don’t miss spending my whole weekend doing lesson plans and grading papers.  But I have to say, I miss the family I was part of for a short time.

I had a great day!  I’m definitely in a different place than I was a couple of years ago, that is for sure!  I can’t wait to have this baby and home school and continue on this path God has put me on!  Things change.  I know that.  I don’t want to go back, but it was nice to be loved on today.

I’m feeling happy

I am so glad that it is Friday.  My lessons are done for the week and I get to spend the weekend with my family.  I’ve already planned my day out for today.  I made bread–David loves fresh wheat bread.  I have dinner defrosting.  I sat at my computer this morning, listening to 80’s music on the internet, making a menu and then a grocery list.  The kids were allowed to sleep in this morning, but we will be back with school next week.  Alex has to work at 1:30, so David will come home for lunch and we will drive to town, drop Alex off and then drop David off at work.  (Alex works less than a mile from where David works, so it is kind of convenient.)  Then, Beth and I will go to Sam’s club, and then go get more groceries at the store.  Then be back in time to pick up Alex and David from work and go home.

It is very cloudy and rainy today, but I am happy.  I love the feeling of getting things accomplished.  (The 80’s music also definitely helped my mood, because I like to sing along.)  My plumbing is also getting better from the last post.  Yay!  I won’t go into details, I’m sure you don’t want to hear about that.  Tonight after dinner, I am hoping to get our winter clothes up to the attic.  Tomorrow, I’m hoping to do laundry, clean and organize.  The first piano recital is on Thursday, so I’m also hoping to get the programs done.  Sunday is going to be a full day, since we do worship at 8:30, stay to sing for the 10:00 service, and then come back at 4:00, to do the evening service.  Yikes!  I’m taking a nap on Sunday!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend as well.  What are your plans?